Melting Resolve
by Autumn Amethyst
Summary: Oneshot. There were only so many places to hide from James Potter around the castle. This was the last place on earth where she thought he would find her. It became the first place where she allowed him to.


_Disclaimer: All belongs to J.K. Rowling._

**A/N: One-shot! Proceed at your own risk. This has not been edited or even read over more than twice. I apologize for any resulting errors. Oh yes, I apologize for the excess of fluffiness as well ;) That, too, I warn you of. This room was unpleasantly hot and I felt like typing, so this is the random result…**

**Melting Resolve**

_It was only a hug, you silly silly girl._ Lily kicked the bush beside her and slumped against the nearest tree. The bark cut into her back and she did not care, hitting the ground with a solid thump. The warm wind whipped against her face, ruffling her hair with its heat. It was a ridiculously hot day in October; normally the air had cooled by this part of the term. Not this year. It seemed the seasons had a sense of humor and intended to reflect Lily's own emotions. She wished they wouldn't, because it only reminded her that she was _having_ these emotions.

_And what sort of emotions are those? _Lily scowled in reaction to her roguish mind. Every thread of her body knew which emotions were in question. James Potter had never inspired anything less than the full range of responses from her heart and mind. Now that he was Head Boy to her Head Girl, she had not a choice in the world regarding how often he was next to her, how much he watched her and how frequently she watched him back.

Lily had always found James attractive. Merlin, but that was something not even she could deny. Had she known how smooth that messy hair could be on her fingers, and how soft his breath was on her cheek, she might have said yes to him years ago. Instead, she was currently hiding because of a simple hug. _No, not a _simple_ hug. A very intimate hug. A hug bordering on a kiss. He would have… wouldn't he?_

Now she would never know. She had hugged him so suddenly that it took him several moments to wrap his arms around her waist. But once he had…oh, she was a lost soul. She didn't know what possessed her to allow him the freedom of roaming hands. She found herself digging her fingernails into his back, inhaling his scent as if she would never be able to breathe again. Her other hand found its way into his hair, and the sigh he exhaled against her neck gave her goosebumps, her skin prickling with every touch. She had never gotten goosebumps from a hug before. It was utterly intimidating and entirely perfect. She forgot why she had hugged him in the first place.

It ended quickly. She pulled away to feel him gripping her tightly, almost too tightly. His face was surprised, but completely focused. He licked his lips, and suddenly it hit her. This was James Potter, her self-proclaimed enemy of seven years. James Potter the womanizer, the boy who only wanted her because she made herself unattainable. The one who pranked her, annoyed her constantly, who would not take no for a suitable answer. She was seriously considering locking lips with this boy. _This_ boy. Her heart screamed at her as she pulled her body out of his grasp. She could have had everything she had been dreaming of these past few weeks, everything she told herself she couldn't want, certainly she didn't want.

But no. She had run. _Stupid, stupid. What must he think of you now? _Lily cursed. Did it matter? Did she care what Potter thought of her? Her heart answered yes, and she slumped closer to the ground. A year ago, that answer would have been no. A year ago she wasn't having these thoughts, these urges and these wishes. She realized that the coldness in her hand was a large clump of grass. She frowned and pressed it back into the ground, patting awkwardly as if she could put back what she had already undone.

If she were honest with herself, she would admit that she was scared. Frightened because she had fallen for him; tripped in her intentions and fallen into his arms. Exactly where she vowed never to land. She couldn't forgive her future self for doing what her former self forbid, could she? But if she were really honest, she would admit that she didn't care, not about anything except feeling him against her, at least once more. That was why she had run. Looking into his eyes, eyes that penetrated hers to her core, she saw that this was what she wanted. No, what she _needed_. How do you go about submitting to a desire so strong? A desire, she shook her head, so wrong. If only it felt as wrong as her former self insisted it was. Lily reached up, grimacing as she realized that her hair was sticking itself to her face in the heat.

He had followed her. She was sure of it. Well, this was the last place on earth where she thought he would find her. This was her haven. It always had been, and he would be hard-pressed to locate this small cove of trees adjacent to the lake. It was completely enclosed, shaded on all sides by infinitely tall trees. He may have followed her to the Entrance Hall doors, but she'd lost him there. She no longer heard his quick footsteps behind her, his deep voice calling her name, pleading with her to slow down.

"Lily." Splendid, now she couldn't get his voice out of her head. Just because the way he said her name made it sound sacred and she found herself loving that, loving _him_- Oh. It wasn't playing in her head. He was standing just beside where she sat, his cheeks bright red and his hair slipping into his eyes.

Lily inclined her head toward him, taking his whole body in, beginning with his feet. Her eyes ran up his legs, his mismatched socks and crumpled school robes that nearly covered them. His long arms, perfect for his position as a Chaser on the Quidditch team. His broad shoulders; so much broader than they used to be…And his Head Boy badge, the shiny little thing that had come to haunt her this year, to invade her dreams and her affections. After what felt like ages, her eyes came to rest upon his. "James," she answered, hating how small her voice sounded, how unsure of herself she was in that moment.

He peered down at her, unmoving, his breath heavy from exertion. "Why did you run?"

"I-" She stopped. She knew why she had run. Hell, he probably knew too. What had happened to the smug James, the one who would gloat over the fact that she was involving him in entirely impure thoughts? If only _that_ James would reintroduce himself, Lily was sure that she could free herself of him. She could go back to hating him. The problem was that it seemed that James was gone. Exploded into a million tiny pieces and reassembled into this new, completely lovable and _sexy_ James.

Oh, and he was that. She felt her entire being pulled closer to him. She rose to her feet, still looking him in the eye. She could look into those eyes all day, and still find something interesting, something new, something enticing.

"_Why_?" He repeated, shifting his feet, his hands dangling by his sides.

Lily shook her head, the words threatening to come up though she forced them to stay down, out of sight and out of trouble. _I ran because I want you, James. I want everything you've ever asked of me and I've never asked of you…I want to _know _you. I don't want to say no anymore, or to avoid feeling what I do. I want you to tell me that you like me as more than a conquest. I want you to tell me that you're not this entirely new person simply because you knew I would fall for it. I can't do this anymore. I would give anything to just walk away and not wish. Why did you change?_ She bit her lip, her breath catching in her throat. "Why haven't you asked me out this year?"

James blinked, taking a step backwards. "I- well, I- did you _want_ me to?"

Lily pushed at the half-crunched leaves beneath her feet. Finally, she sighed and met his eyes. "I think I've run out of no's."

She waited for an answer, but what she got was a lop-sided grin. He said nothing, and she began to wonder…now that she had admitted _something_, perhaps he didn't care. He hadn't asked her out because he didn't want to. James had wanted her to become as infatuated with him as all of those other girls were, and then he planned to leave her there, to forget about her…Her anger flamed. So, he hadn't changed. Now he had the confession he wanted; he could do as he pleased. Infuriated, Lily turned on her heel and began to stride away, her feet crunching the leaves beneath her heavily. A hand on her arm spun her back around. James was not smiling anymore.

"Oh Lily, I don't mean it like _that_. I just- I've waited years for you to – you can't imagine how happy I am right now."

Skeptical, Lily crossed her arms over her chest and peered at him, her brow furrowed. She waited.

James stepped closer to her, brushing a strand of deep auburn hair behind her ears. Her eyes slipped shut at the contact, and her heart raced against her will. James's fingers landed on her crossed arms, and her eyes shot open, only to watch him lower her arms.

"Don't block yourself from me. If what you say is true, what's so wrong? Is liking me such a horrible nightmare?"

"Yes." Lily groaned, her hands falling to her sides.

"Why?"

"Haven't I given you a suitable answer to that question?" She snapped.

James sighed. "Why do you still hate me?"

Lily toed the ground with her shoe, disturbing the dirt underneath them. Finally, she met his eyes again. "Don't you see? I _don't_ hate you. I can't anymore."

James tilted his head, still seeming unconvinced. Something flitted across his face, and as Lily blinked, his lips were upon hers. She backed into the tree behind her, her fingers grasping its tough bark, holding on for her life. She could very well be drowning in this heat. His hands ran up her arms, leaving those goosebumps in their wake, one of his hands staying at her waist, making its imprint on her body. The other found its way into her hair, moving it back from her face, letting colder air caress her cheek.

Lily moaned suddenly, feeling him press closer to her. Her hands left the trunk of the tree and went straight for his hair, his back. His mouth was possessive over hers, bruising her lips with harder kisses than she had ever received. She felt him open his mouth and wasted no time in following. She wanted to be closer to him, to feel every bit of him on her. She _wanted_ that hand to leave its imprint on her hip.

Her hand slipped under the collar of his school robes, her fingertips running over the muscles in his shoulders and feeling them tighten under her touch. He stepped even closer, the entire front of his body now flush against hers, and _oh_ he was enjoying this as much as she was. Her hands slipped back out of his collar and skimmed lower, as low as she dared. He bit her lower lip gently and kissed it better. She gasped as she felt his hand leave her hip, moving downwards slowly, and coming to rest just above where she wanted it. She squirmed slightly, trying to get his hand to move. And suddenly, it was over as quickly as it had begun. James's hands fell from her body. He looked completely disheveled as he took a step away from her, blinking, gasping for breath. A grin spread across his stunned face.

"You're telling the truth then." His smile widened, threatening to split his face in two. "You _don't_ hate me."

Lily shook her head, realizing that she must look a mess and not caring. "No," she touched her lips with trembling fingers, "quite the opposite, these days."

James ruffled his hair, a habit she used to hate but now found endearing. "I – I don't know what to say."

"Then don't. I think I finally…I understand." Lily felt her cheeks reddening and she cursed her genes. She would be as bright as a tomato in no time. What had gotten into her lately? She glanced at the boy facing her and thought that whatever it was, she hoped it never left.

James reached out and grabbed onto her hand, slipping his fingers through hers. He grinned at her. "Have dinner with me?"

Lily bit her lip, glancing at their entwined hands. "Yes. I think I would like that."

With that, they set off towards the castle, similar smiles on each of their faces; content smiles. Lily glanced back at the circle of trees they were leaving behind. She breathed in deeply, hoping that she might always remember the way this smelled; this warm autumn, mixed with the scattering of leaves, and the placid lake water, and _James_. Yes, this place was still hers. It had been the last place on earth where she thought he would find her, the only place where she let him, and, a year later, the first place where he told her he loved her.


End file.
